If ESPN tells me to care, do I have to?

ESPN has a near monopoly on sport media.  Anytime any big story in sports happens I turn on ESPN or go to ESPN.com.  If I want to check scores, I check ESPN.  When I make out my brackets I watch ESPN.  ESPN controls my sports information and I’m glad for ESPN.  But, just because ESPN thinks people should care about a specific topic, should we?

ESPN hyped up the NFL draft like it was the superbowl.  They had some “futuristic” introduction and theme that made me wonder whether or not I was watching some cheezy show on the sci-fi channel.  Personally, I like to know what happened during the draft, but its not the biggest sporting event of the year, or anywhere near that, as ESPN would have you believe.  Some may say that ESPN only makes it such a big deal because they are the lap dog of the NFL, but that’s a different story.

Recently, ESPN has made a big deal about the Kentucky Derby.  I would have understood the hype if the only other sporting event of the week was Joe Louis vs. Max Schmeling rematch, but we’re far removed from the 1930’s.  ESPN takes the “Worldwide Leader in Sports” thing a little too far sometimes.  ESPN, in the midst of the NBA and NHL playoffs, had its cover story on ESPN.com about the death of the second place horse in the Derby.  Granted, this is a big event in sports, but questioning the ethics of the sport of horse racing because a horse was euthenized after she broke both her front legs? come on ESPN.  In my opinion, ESPN sometimes tries to hard to create stories, as the 24-hour news networks do, in order to feed our up-to-the-minute lifestyles, and it often is too much.

I’m Already Sick of the NBA Playoffs and You Should Be Too

After watching the highlights of the most recent events in the NBA Playoffs’ first round, I’ve learned a few things about the current pro basketball situation:

a)    Either the Celtics were overrated or the Hawks are just that good

b)   The Pacers didn’t make it…again

c)    That Chris Paul guy is MVP material

d)   I was right about Shaq and the Suns (and so was the rest of the world)

e)    The Spurs are probably going to repeat

As much as I hate pro basketball, I can’t help but watch the playoffs because they’re, well, the playoffs. It would be a challenge to my manliness and fanhood to not watch, so I occasionally switch from hockey, baseball, football (of the non-American variety), fishing, golf, and Hannah Montana to check out whatever game is going on in the NBA.

This year’s playoffs actually started off pretty promising to me as I expected the Suns-Spurs series to go all the way to a seventh game where the Suns would have their vengeance for last year’s controversial knockout. Game 1 was a classic double-overtime thriller that fittingly ended down at the wire. From there, all I got was a 4-1 series win for the defending champs. Otherwise, you have total domination of the Lakers over the Nuggets, the Hornets stomping the Mavs (who still can’t believe that they actually traded for Jason Kidd), and a pretty good series between the Rockets and Jazz.

Over in the East, things are a mess with the Sixers surprising the Pistons in the Palace and the Celtics facing good competition from the Hawks. The Celts, who absolutely obliterated their competition this year, seem to be trying to follow in the footsteps of their nearby neighbor Patriots by being that unbelievably good team that loses to a much worse opponent when it matters most. They have, however, made amends by clobbering the Atlanta in Game 5, presumably to finish them off in Game 6 with authority. Apparently, the brass in Atlanta felt that they should celebrate the Hawks’ mediocrity by showering the court with streamers and confetti (hooray mediocrity!) after they won a close Game 4, only to be put back in their place in Boston. In other news, Orlando has mercifully finished off the Raptors, and the Wizards are busy trying to make their inevitable elimination by the Cavs take longer than necessary.

Quite honestly, I’m having a lot more trouble keeping up with the playoffs this year than I did last year, which says a lot. I’m not sure if it’s the Penguins running through the Sens and Rangers, the Cubs being off to their best start in God knows how long, or the awesome Champions League broadcasts on ESPN2, but something is taking my mind way away from the NBA. I guess if I was a fan of any of the teams that are any good (if being under .500 and in the playoffs qualifies you as being “good”) then I would be having a great time with watching pro basketball. But for me, I’m just stuck reminding myself not to watch ABC or ESPN between 7 and 10.

 

Sucks to be Sean or: Avery Being Avery

After spending his tenure in the 2008 Stanley Cup Playoffs provoking opponents and, literally, rewriting the rules on fair play, New York Rangers forward Sean Avery will not see the ice until next season. The 28-year-old lacerated his spleen at an unknown point in the Rangers’ home loss to the Pittsburgh Penguins on April 29^th and checked into the hospital shortly after the game.  While it is unfortunate for any player to be hurt, let alone during the playoffs, this particular injury seems to be the vengeance of the hockey gods. For a player whose title to most (opponents AND teammates) is a myriad of four-letter words rather than the more traditional, “mister,” this injury at this juncture was a long time coming.

You may have heard of his most recent antic: you know, the one in the first round of the playoffs against the Devils where he turned his back on the game and flailed around in front of Martin Brodeur to “set a screen.” Yeah, he’s that guy who made one of the NHL’s classier players (if you forgot about the affair with his sister-in-law) refuse to shake his hand at the end of the game. Brodeur commented that he’d never seen anything like it. Even Avery’s teammates and coach criticized his actions and the NHL even went so far as to change the rulebook in the middle of the playoffs to prevent similar situations from occurring this year. But really, no one should be surprised by the immature and ill-spirited play of Avery based on his reputation for being a dirty player based on his controversial career. He has recently been voted the NHL’s most hated player and has a litany of complaints against him, including racism. His previous team, the LA Kings, suspended him near the end of the 2007 season so they wouldn’t have to deal with him being around.

While it is unfortunate timing, as his team will need him if they hope to make a comeback against the white-hot Pens, a busted spleen seems to be a very fitting ending for a player who’s made more of a name for himself by being a moron than for scoring goals. And even though his team’s current opponents hope for him to have a speedy recovery and express their sympathies, I, along with many other hockey fans and players, am quite glad to see that Avery will not play for the remainder of the year. Just ask Marty Brodeur.

 

Grab a seat Chad, you’re gonna need one

The NFL draft has come and gone, as has the deadline for this deadline, and Chad Johnson is still in stripes and still unhappy. The Bengals came out early and said they have a plan with Johnson and without him, these plans materialized over this past weekend. Cincinnati drafted three wideouts, including two potential standouts in Andre Caldwell out of Florida and Jermone Simpson out of Coastal Carolina. With their last pick, Cincinnati chose another wideout in Mario Urrutia, a solid complimentary wide receiver out of Louisville. The Bengals also added Matt Sherry, a receiving threat at tight end from Villanova. With the addition of Sherry and the free agent aquisition of Ben Utecht, the Bengals have left their traditional run-blocking TE ways of the past. So that leaves the Bengals with a wide-open, young offensive unit and Chad Johnson sitting on his ass, watching people who actually still have love for the game of football.

This situation leaves the Bengals with a marketing issue. Chad Johnson used to have the number one selling jersey in the NFL. Now the Bengals have to try to sell a jersey of a player who will most likely not be with the team after next season. Perhaps they could market a number 85 seat cushion, or maybe a joint venture with La-z-boy to create the Chad Johnson signature collection. The chair could be made out of actual money for that authentic Ocho Cinco feel of sitting on cash while not doing anything productive except occasionally pissing and moaning about the way things are going, but not actually doing anything productive to change it. The fact of the matter is that, without Chad, the Bengals have no stars. They have productive players, the occasional pro bowlers, and even an aging Super Bowl MVP, but none have star potential and Dexter Jackson has reached the age that he gets confused about what sport he is actually playing, where he lives, and occasionally is caught weeping in the locker room when he can’t remember where he put his helmet. Although I love Carson, Rudi, and TJ, none of them have that super star potential. Another issue with the Chad Johnson situation is the fact that fans tend to take sides. The rational fans side with the Bengals while the idiots, and yes, my city has its fair share, side with Chad. This split may hurt ticket and merchandise sales because, quite simply, Chad sells tickets. He provides the entertainment that keeps casual fans hooked. This also causes fans to blame the opposing parties. Fans either blame Chad or the organization, but I am here to present an alternative. Let’s blame, better yet, let’s hate Drew Rosenhaus for this situation. For those of you that don’t know, Rosenhaus is an NFL “power agent” that represents such disgruntled talent as T.O., CJ, and Jermemy Shockey. He is also the obnoxious prick that is a tumor to the NFL. He signs players, asks organizations for more money, then asks for even more money, and then demands a trade. He is, minus Ryan Leaf and Ed Hochuli’s arms bulging from his two sizes too small referee jersey, the worst thing that has happened to the NFL.

Well Chad, here we are. When you started your rise to stardom, you said you wanted to be the next T.O. I don’t know if you’ve reached the skill level of Owens, but you are definetly closing the gap in the overpaid, overrated, loud-mouthed, and most likely to cause an entire city to hate you categories. Congratulations, that’s quite an achievement.

Their Cup runneth nowhere

“That’s how the Cup changes everything.”

 

That quasi-compelling slogan is what the NHL is using to market its postseason. While the NHL already has what its cadre of fans will readily claim is the most intense and grueling postseason of all the major sports, the hockey higher-ups have completely whiffed with their latest attempt to draw the masses—or at the very least those people who can tell Sidney Crosby from Bing Crosby—into their product.

 

What the NHL has to realize first is that these ads, which feature marquee talents such as Alexander Ovechkin and Martin Brodeur, are running exclusively on some second-rate cable output known as Versus. And since NHL playoff games are sandwiched on Versus between outdated rodeos and fly fishing shows that I’m confident do not draw any living viewers, those who happen to be watching the station when these ads come on are watching because they want to see hockey. They do not need Ovechkin enlightening them on the virtues of the Stanley Cup Playoffs—especially after his Capitals were eliminated by my roommate’s overly-beloved Philadelphia Flyers.

 

I could write all night on a rant about the NHL’s marketing shortcomings during the playoffs, but the underlying complaint is that they are incredibly ineffective when it comes to reaching the casual fan. Even the NBA, which rivals Bode Miller in the multitude of ways it can go and has gone downhill, understands that it needs to advertise on TV stations on which its games do not air; that’s why I see “Where Game 7 happens! Where competition happens! Where a Denver Nuggets victory once happened!” on stations such as Fox, USA, and even CNN. Where does the Cup change everything? You guessed it. On Versus. It’s time for Barry Melrose to put his mullet down and demand an increase in hockey promotion on ESPN—or at least move the NHL playoff analysis segment ahead of ESPN Deportes and a Pirates-Reds “battle.”

 

Until the NHL realizes that having the best product is only half the battle—effectively communicating their product quality to the American people is the other half—their advertising department can be sure that “That’s how the Cup hasn’t changed anything.”